


I might not understand people but I understand you

by TheOneChickThatMayOrMayNotBeInsane



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Bars, Charlie and Ben are only described, Dan is a very awkward baby, Demisexual! Dan, Hey man bug off I wrote this late at night, I came up for this at one in the morning, M/M, Phil is a dear, This is kinda shitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-19 09:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3605835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOneChickThatMayOrMayNotBeInsane/pseuds/TheOneChickThatMayOrMayNotBeInsane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan likes to people watch in a non creepy way at a bar. He saves Phil from an unwanted encounter in a strange way. (I'm shite at writing summaries sorry) Now with another chapter!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Start

**Author's Note:**

> So I had this idea at 1:19 am and was like "I have to write this down omfg do it gurrl" (in Tyler Oakley's voice, of course) so pardon if it's confusing. I didn't realise this until I was writing the thing but Dan's demisexual in this (and possibly irl too idk) NOTE: I use waay too many parentheses in this but whatever they rock and I know ya'll agree with me. ANOTHER NOTE WHOO: This might be a proper chaptered thing, idk man. It's just that I don't think that demisexual Dan can confine himself to one oneshot.

Dan Howell was sitting at a bar stool and people watching. With him it wasn't really a creepy thing, he just liked seeing how people interacted, mainly because he was so bad at human interaction. So he people watched in hopes that he might get better at basic human interaction. 

As the night progressed (it was a Saturday so there were loads of people there), Dan noticed more and more drunk people going off together for a one night stand. This had always confused him (and had gotten him into many an argument) because why would you trust someone who was a) drunk, b) could be infected with many a nasty disease, and c) you didn't even know to have sex with you?! It didn't make any sense to him.

Dan had always identified as bisexual, mainly because he hadn't really gone into any of the other sexualities. This, along with the fact that people found him highly attractive, was why so many people had come up to him to ask him to come home with them. Some had asked frankly, some through horrid pick up lines (he shuddered at the thought of /that/ one guy), and some just batted their eyelids at him until he noticed them. Dan had turned down all of them. 

None of this, not the fact that it was a bar and people got drunk (but not Dan, which everyone found strange), nor the fact that people got horny and were looking for a quick fuck, accounted for (in Dan's mind, at least) why anyone would want to take another drunk person home and have sex with them. He just didn't get it. So he people watched. 

At about 11 at night, he noticed this guy, very cute, same haircut as him, darting towards the men's bathroom, followed by another dude, smaller then cute guy, glasses, brown hair, spots. Dan shook his head. A one night stand at someone's house? Okay, he was used to that, it happened all the time. But two guys getting off in the bathroom at a bar? That was horribly disgusting. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice cute guy slamming the door to the bathroom and picking his way over to him. He did feel the tap on his shoulder, though.  
"Excuse me?"  
Dan swiveled around. Cute guy was standing right by his shoulder.  
"Um. Yeah, hi."  
As previously stated, Dan was not the best at human interaction. When a cute guy was standing over him, the same cute guy who had just (to his knowledge) had public sex in a bathroom, he was even worse at it.

"There's this guy who really wants to sleep with me and he keeps trying to make out with me but I don't want sleep with him but he's not getting the hint and will you please help me cause I kindamaybetoldhimthatIhadaboyfriendandnowweneedtokisscausehesgonnafindmepleasehelp!"

Everything just came splurging out of the guy's mouth and Dan blinked, very confused.

"What? Could you please slow down, for fuck's sake?" 

"There's this guy and he wants to sleep with me and please kiss me so he thinks we're dating please?!"

Dan was still confused but it seemed that cute guy wanted to kiss him? He didn't know. He kind of wanted to kiss the guy, but only after he's got to know him a bit better, not all of a sudden, like BOOM! you and this cute guy shall now kiss. No, not like that at all. (Dan may not have been drunk but that didn't mean his brain functioned properly when tired.)

"Are you asking me to kiss you?"

Cute guy nodded, eyes wide and looking desperate. 

"Please? It doesn't have to be some big deal, just enough to to get rid of him, please!"

Dan nodded, brain working as slow as molasses dripping off a spoon.

"Okay, I guess?"

Cute guy smiled nervously and kissed Dan, just a small peck on the lips at first. Then, after Dan realised he liked whatever cute guy was doing, they started to properly make out. Cute guy licked Dan's lips and when Dan parted them, he slipped his tongue in. 

Vaguely, through his peripheral vision, Dan saw the brown haired guy with spots and glasses, see them and walk sadly away before spotting a guy with bright red hair on the dance floor and moving his way. Cute guy must have noticed this as well, because he pulled off of Dan and smiled tentatively. 

"Thanks for that," he said, looking insanely grateful.

"It's fine. Um... sorry that you got chased around most of the night." Dan felt like his words were like rocks shattering glass. They were destroying something fragile and beautiful in a very ungainly manner. 

"You know, we just made out and I never got your name." 

Dan looked up from his ever so interesting view of his skinny-jean-covered legs because that was almost exactly what he was thinking. Well, he was also thinking that he'd like to see this cute guy again (not at all so they could fall in love and he could kiss cute guy with more passion and love and shite) 

"Dan. It's um Dan Howell." 

"Dan? The piano master? No way! I did not just make out with Dan Howell of all people!" Cute guy looked like he was on the ninth cloud.  
"I love your music! It's like classical music but with rock parts and I've heard your covers of some of Muse's stuff and I love it as well! I cannot believe that I just kissed Dan Howell of all people, ohmygod!"

Dan felt (and probably looked) rather lonely and miserable. It was nice to met a fan, it always was, but not when he wanted to date that person. Of course, being the fucking human embodiment of Winnie the Pooh, he chose not to say anything to that effect. Instead he smiled (nervously) and asked:  
"I never got your name either or do I just keep calling you 'cute guy' inside my head?"  
Oops, he didn't mean to be flirty, it just came out that way. He clapped his hands over his mouth and flushed a bright red.

"Lester. Phil Lester!" Cute guy-no Phil-said, striking a ridiculous pose that (Dan thought) was supposed to be imitating James Bond. Then it came to Dan. All throughout their interactions, there seemed to be something familiar about Phil's voice.

"You're that Radio 1 DJ, aren't you?"

Phil nodded, eyes wide (again) but not in terror, more in...awe?

"You listen to my show?"

Dan nodded and felt his cheeks heat up. Phil's voice was one of the most solid things in his life. He was always there, always on the air during those hours. Dan would never admit it, but he had a slight crush on Phil's voice. And now that they'd met in person, Dan's crush was complete. 

"I know this is really out of the blue, but can I have your phone number?"  
Phil stood there, looking so fragilely hopeful, that Dan wanted to hug him and keep him safe from the word (and from guys like brown haired glasses guy who was now face sucking red haired guy) that Dan had to nod. After searching a while through his pockets and glancing around the bar, he realised something else. "I, um, don't have a pen or paper or anything to write it down on. Sorry?"

Phil laughed. "You're forgetting that we live in the 21st century, you goofball," and took his mobile phone from his pocket and looking up at Dan.

"Right, um, my phone is (781) 452 4077."

Phil quickly typed it in, then asked for Dan's phone and entered his number.

"I'll call you, I promise," he said, then walked away, throwing a wink in Dan's direction.

Dan shook his head and stood up to leave as well, mentally noting that brown haired glasses guy and red hair guy were still snogging on the dance floor and the people around them didn't seem to care that much. His last thought before he walked out the door was that they he might never understand people but at least he might be able to understand Phil.


	2. The Other Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically what the title says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written a sequel before so this might turn out shitty idk man. I /was/ going to write this about Ben and Charlie but that wasn’t going to happen (sadly) so more Phan for ya’ll! Ben and Charlie aren't in this at all, as a matter of fact. Also because Phil uses so many emojis in his tweets, I included some in here. I am sorry if you cannot see them (it's just the red heart)

Dan looked down at his phone. It had been a half a day since he met Phil and Phil still hadn’t called him. Was this normal? Was there a perfect time to call someone that you made out with back? He didn’t know. He hadn’t dated anyone for ages because there was no one that could put up with his tour schedule and him watching people in bars on Saturday nights. In fact the last time he had a girlfriend was when he was fourteen and they dated for a grand total of a month before she split it off (but not before she spread rumours about him all over the school). So he didn't know /what/ the correct protocol was for dating someone was. 

Around noon his manager called with news that his record company had approved the making of a new album. Dan's manager also gave him, as usual, a deadline for the compositions and then a further deadline for recording. If Dan was anyone but Dan, he would probably be pissed at his manager's constant hovering but Dan was Dan and Dan was badly disorganised. His manager was also surprised that he'd woken up before twelve as that was unusual for him. This then led to an awkward conversation about Phil, and lots of rambling on Dan's part. The only remark from his manager? Dan was very lovesick but would he needed to work on his album so get over it. The guy was not very sympathetic. 

As he glanced at his phone for the billionth time that day, it buzzed, making him jump. In his haste to grab it, he knocked it off the bedside table (yes, he had stayed in bed all day, he was that pathetic). Cursing his clumsiness, he snached it off the floor and glanced at its screen. /One new message from Phil <3/. Dan's heart jumped and he unlocked his phone and read the text. 

From: Phil <3   
To: Dan  
Time: 12:23 am  
-Hey Dan, when are you free for coffee? ❤️❤️

From: Dan  
To: Phil <3  
Time: 12:25 am  
-where were you thinking of cause im free always

His manager might disagree with the last statement but right then, Dan didn't care. A few moments later Phil texted back. 

From: Phil <3  
To: Dan  
Time: 12:27 am  
-You know that really cute cat café??

From: Dan  
To: Phil <3  
Time: 12:28 am  
-im on my way <3

From: Phil <3  
To: Dan  
Time: 12:30 am  
-❤️❤️❤️

Dan smiled to himself, quite pleased that he hadn't made an arse of himself through text. If he had, he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself. When he reached the café, he saw Phil sitting there in an adorable galaxy coat that on anyone else would have looked unbearably hipster but on Phil just looked cute.

"H-hey, how are you?" Dan has no idea how he managed to get this out because right at that exact moment, Phil turns towards him and Phil's whole face lights up. It's better than seeing London at night. 

"Fine! I just finished the plans for my next show, which is always a relief," he smiles and Dan thinks he might collapse because of how beautiful he is. 

"I can imagine. My manager called this morning with my deadlines which isn't so nice but it is okay, I guess?"

"Your deadlines?" Phil looks confused and Dan can't blame him. He would be confused as well. 

"Yeah, um, they're the dates I have to finish my shite by. Sorry for confusing you." He ended with the patented nervous-I'm-not-sure-if-I-fucked-up laugh. 

"No, it's fine! I'm glad you got the dates, that should make your life easier, right?"

"Yeah, that's their purpose. You know, you're, um-" he broke off, unsure if he should continue or if he should just not say that Phil was the first person that didn't find him strange and that he was able to speak properly around. Would that make him sound too creepy? Dan was treading unknown water here and didn't know what to do. 

"I'm...what?" Phil looks expectant, like a puppy wanting a treat. 

This is so adorable that Dan feels obliged to lean over and kiss him, even though they've only met once before but Phil Lester is so goddamed adorable that all Dan wants to do is snuggle with him for all eternity. Phil seems surprised about the kiss but quickly kisses back, with more passion than Dan would have managed. 

When they finally broke off, it was not because they ran out of air, like last time, but rather because a cat had jumped onto the table and Phil had to pet it. Dan smiled and shook his head, because Phil was so fucking adorable and it wasn't fair. 

"Sorry, but he's just so adorable, I had to pet him!" was his excuse when the cat jumped out of his lap. 

"It's nice to know that cats are the most important thing in this relationship." was Dan's rejoinder. His brain immediately went 'oh shite oh shite was that too soon I feel like it was too soon fuck what do I do' but Phil just nodded his agreement. 

When the waitress came by to get their orders, they had started talking properly and discovered that they had loads of other things in common besides being fanboys of each other. When the waitress with the food arrived, she found them still in deep conversation about which Muse album was the best and the merits of each one. When she came by to get the check, she found that cats were eating all their food and they hadn't touched it at all. She finally had to break them out of their bubble and tapped Phil on the shoulder to get the money. As they walked out of the café, holding hands and still talking, she shook her head but secretly she wished for that sort of love. 

{fast forward 7 years}

"Phil! I have a tour coming up soon, you want to come?" Dan called to his husband. It wasn't unusual for Phil to tag along on tours now and Dan's fans were used to seeing him. 

"Yeah! I need to get people to sub for me and make sure that we find a cat sitter..." he probably would have gone on but Dan cut him off.

"Phil, I know the deal. We've been through this before, remember?"

"I do. I remember the first tour the best, though.."

Dan flushed bright red, as Phil knew he would. The first tour that Phil had been on was also the first time they had sex. They had known each other for almost a year and Dan felt he was ready to open up to Phil (in more ways then one). Dan still didn't understand why people would have one night stands because what he and Phil had was so driven by their love that the lust was only a tiny part of it. 

His memories were interrupted by their cat, Susan, who was rubbing against his legs. Phil scooped her up and started petting her, all notionions of him going on tour forgotten for the time being. 

He was reminded about it the next morning, when he saw a sticky note on the mirror that said 'tour? And don't let Susan upstage me this time!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That wasn't so bad, was it?   
> Shout out to Yollie182, otherwise there wouldn't be another part to this story. Also you rock, girl, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
> 
> (Mazel tov to Dan and Phil for writing a book! Whooooo!)

**Author's Note:**

> That wasn't so bad, was it? In case you couldn't tell (don't feel bad if you couldn't, it's my fault) the red haired guy was Ben Cook and the brown haired spotty glasses wearing guy was Charlie McDonnell. It's now 2:53 and I'm really tired so sorry for any mistakes and good night motherfuckers. Also the guy with the bad pick up line was kinda based of off Pete Wentz and Dan's phone number is the Hogwarts hotline, shhhhhh


End file.
